As I arrived at North Fork, CA at the Vipassana Retreat the weather was perfect, sun going down as I drove through the hills to the retreat site. I had nearly not come, partly from an argument earlier in the day and partly because I was nervous about going for 10 days without talking with anyone, not even looking at anyone. The thought had haunted me for weeks as the date to go drew closer. I was excited too: telling our clients and friends. There is a lot to being alone that I really had never attempted. This was an opportunity to not only learn to mediate but to also learn more about myself on a deeper level.
I could tell you about the experience more in detail, about how the air was clear and clean, the meals were basic, but delicious and all vegetarian. I could tell you about getting up at 4 am and not finishing until 9 at night. I could tell you about the schedule and the 14 hours per day of pure, continuous focus on self, but I am not. I could tell you how my roommate left after day 5 and how the room then became excruciatingly quiet. It much have been what I needed. Total silence. Still and still breathing.
What I am going to say is that I am changed. Changed in a way that will stay with me for the rest of my life. I see and feel the love coming out in me more as each day passes. I embrace those around me differently. I care for myself differently and I basically breathe differently. I am still breathing in and out like we all are while alive, but now, I FEEL alive. I feel my body and the effects of thoughts and food and others have on my being. My “first” thoughts have shifted to more positive and light smile of understanding. In that, more love and light is coming forward. I believe I have more patience with my daughters and family. I have the ability to concentrate better and for longer periods and through meditation, I havemore energy even with getting up early in the morning to squeeze the hour into my day. Does that equal life changing? I say yes! I feel every sensation and have been enjoying life more fully. Does that mean it was life changing? I say yes! Are you thinking of going so you can think and feel better? I say, YES!! With love, learn YOU and Love YOU and all of your own Internal Wisdom. In fact I have been seeking it my whole life and even named my business Internal Wisdom and now I know what it was that I meant.